Major Irritation!!!!

It's late on Saturday.  I ended up waking up with some pretty intense pain in my face, which resulted in a Percocet (remember my euphoric truth serum) dose.  As a result of taking the drug and the fact that it is almost midnight, this post may be pretty interesting :-).

I had my doctor's appointment on Thursday and frankly needed a few days of trying to calm down before posting a blog.  The interaction with Dr. S. was unusual - he is generally very nice and comfortable to talk to, but this appointment was the exact opposite.  Some of my questions which were science based (I'll share later in the post) were treated and answered poorly - he acted like I was insulting him.

As I've mentioned previously, I want to return a little to work even if it is an hour a week.  Dr. S told me that I need to focus more on life and specific things that are enjoyable and that work shouldn't happen.  WHAT?  I'm bored and really there are only so many things I can do at this point, but why would returning partially to my normal life be a bad thing?  I pretty much viewed this as him saying "guess what, you are dying.  You better enjoy the last few moments."  Now, he didn't say any of that, but it was a conversation that irritated and upset me!  Once I explained my rationalization about working he said fine I'll sign whatever paperwork you need to return.  SO.....right now I'm thinking that he was having a bad day or some type of issue occurring.  He did need to get various phone calls during my appointment and a few yawns occurred, which I never saw before.  Perhaps there were issues with another patient that were emergency based.  Anyway, I'm trying to think and view this a little better as the days go on, but I'm not a good person to tick-off!  I hold grudges and this really shouldn't occur with the person who can/should save my life!

The scientific based questions I have posed to Dr. S. have been conjured up by me since the first round of chemo was a failure.  Despite the fact that I had to stop breastfeeding in July, I am technically still lactating.  (Apologies to anyone that finds this uncomfortable to read).  I found out that women who are lactating and have breast cancer typically have tumors that grow because of estrogen.  Sarcoma doesn't have the same type of issue; however, my diagnosis is technically "indeterminate," which means that my tumors are unique and haven't necessarily been seen in this manner.  If that is the case, then it doesn't seem entirely crazy to me to hypothesize some issues that might explain why things are different.  Of course as a scientist my thoughts are not without research.  Here is the paper and quote that initiated this thought process:
"The Complexity of Management of Pregnancy-Associated Malignant Soft Tissue and Bone Tumors."

Although certain types of sarcomas have been
shown to express estrogen and progesterone receptors,
the implication of such receptor status in tumors associated
with pregnancy is unknown [19]

To make things more interesting, my abdominal tumor has decreased in size.  It became noticeable when I was going through radiation and no chemo.  (Remember radiation was only on the back and face).  Knowing that my pregnancy hormones are decreasing despite the fact that I'm still lactating a little could it initiate the decrease in size?  The other way to think about this is was the tumor big back at the beginning because of the pregnancy hormones?  From what I hear this could potentially be an easy test; however, Dr. S. doesn't see any possibility in the hormones playing a role in my cancer and frankly treated me as an idiot.  

Just to mention, the next steps in treatment are not for a while since the radiation just finished.  I will have another CAT scan on the 18th (hopefully it's not another that sends me to the hospital!) with chemo treatments starting late November/early December.  Dr. S. is still uncertain about which type of drugs to start with and I'm not sure how he would choose one over the other.  

I'm planning on enjoying the next few weeks without treatments while still being conservative about the types of things I'm allowed to do especially after the back radiation.  I might hit up Sugarloaf craft festival today, but in a wheelchair to avoid the issues with long walks and I have an exciting meeting at work on Tuesday that I'm really excited about.

So despite a crazy doctor's appointment I have things that excite me and wonderful kiddies, hubby, family, friends, and wonderful supporters that really make me happy!