5 Day Update

Based on prior blogs, I have mentioned that I dislike the 5 day treatment.  Frankly, it is a difficult week; however, I did much better this time around.  I did change the schedule so instead of starting at 9AM and waking at 7AM, the appointments were at 10:30 AM.  I did wake early in the beginning of the week and saw the kiddies off to daycare; however, the rest of the week despite being awake I stayed in bed.  The week is really a blur - I don't recall when things happened.  I do remember the extraordinary help from neighbors, but not sure what days they helped.  Despite these oddities, I really felt better than the first time around.  I didn't sleep incessantly during the week and even ended up hanging out with some friends on Friday (I even ate DQ ice cream after vomiting!).  I do experience some vomiting with the 5 day treatment mainly because I don't eat enough.  Generally, if I eat too much or not enough I get sick.  With this treatment, I have no appetite during the week and when I get back to eating regularly I'm a little off - it could be much worse, but I have only vomited once per day.
I now have a CAT scan scheduled for the first week of October.  It makes me quite nervous and I'm not entirely sure that the tumors will be smaller.  The initial CAT scans were done many weeks before the start of chemotherapy and it wouldn't be entirely surprising that there was more growth.  Despite that rationale however; it is important that I hope/wish/pray for the best here!  I do see and feel change with all the sites.  With the cheekbone tumor as things progressed I dealt with more nerve issues - the left size of my tongue and teeth were numb.  The numbness, believe it or not, in that regard is changing - I think it's receding!  My back doesn't seem to be in pain anymore or at least I can't remember when it bothered me.  My stomach is changing, but it still looks rather large unfortunately.  I have two thoughts on this - this tumor started in a post-pregnancy body, which is quite flexible compared to the norm.  I never really had an opportunity to get the body/stomach back to normal - does this mean that the tumor might look larger than in a normal, less flexible body?  I have also heard that there could be an accumulation of fluid, which would also make the tumor seem larger.  Overall, I do think things are changing - I just hope that we will have positive results soon!

Happy

I had a great week!  I had the opportunity to meet new supporters, hang out with friends, see my brother, and visit co-workers since I had energy and got great blood results on Monday.  I even avoided lots of naps because of these busy trips for me and made me think that sometimes those naps result from boredom.  It is true about the boredom; however, I still need to make sure I'm adequately rested!
I will keep this short for a change since I was told I write a lot :-) The interactions this week helped my positivity climb!  I frankly was not moving up the "ladder" recently like I should.  It was all of you who made me feel great that the climb is back.  I'm just hoping that the apex is warm and all of you will be there to celebrate with me!    

Definitely not a rule follower

On Monday I met with Dr. S again to go over blood work and typical issues after chemo treatment.  It was very obvious that the Doc was amazed at the blood values - no more antibiotic until next cycle since white blood cells are so good.  The hemoglobin wasn't too bad either considering I'm anemic.  I did ask what these values really mean with respect to treatment and health.  They don't have anything to do with the cancer, but since the values are so good we can continue to progress treatment and get to health in an easier and faster manner.  I do feel that this is still good news and it isn't necessarily typical for sarcoma patients.
Doc did look at tumor sites, but didn't suggest that they have changed size.  He doesn't have measurements and only sees me every few weeks.  I do feel differences in my body as a result of size changes, although the tumors are still obvious because of their size.  I do start treatment again on the 19th and then a CAT scan will follow soon after that.
An interesting notion to share - I made a comment to the doc that I don't seem to follow the rules in terms of side-effects, blood work, etc with chemo treatments.  He completely agreed and even used that phrase himself in the appointment.  I do believe that this is positive!  It would be interesting to know his exact feelings and thoughts on everything, but he will always have to maintain a typical MD response.   He certainly won't suggest any wonderful and crazy things unless there is proof.  Lets hope that the CAT scan in a few weeks will show amazing results that will prove health is coming along!    

Thoughts

I've had interesting mental and emotional issues the last few weeks.  Frankly, I'm confused.  There really isn't any data to suggest that I'm moving towards health or is there?  I don't seem to follow most of the typical patterns of treatment - I don't experience most of the side-effects except for fatigue, I still have hair, my blood values are great and I typically feel better and healthier as the chemo treatments proceed.  Should I be focused on how I feel and how things are changing physically?  For some reason these thoughts and questions have been very emotional for me.  I do however, have something I should focus on with regards to these questions.  Braeden, my 3.5 year old has had a very difficult time interacting with me since July when I think it became obvious to him that mommy was sick.  All of a sudden, as I have felt better, Braeden is now interacting, chatting, and playing with me.  Children are intuitive - he definitely doesn't know what is occurring exactly, but perhaps he thinks mommy is getting better!  This definitely brings tears to my eyes - perhaps this should be my focus.  My boy is letting me know that I'm getting better. 
OK - emotions put aside. 
I had treatment 2A last Friday after making the decision to delay it due to the power issues at the office.  I'm very happy that I had more time to relax and recuperate from the 5 day cycle.  Again, it was an emotional decision because I wasn't sure if I was negatively affecting my progress towards health.  It is interesting to note that I feel good after this treatment - even better than treatment 1A.  I have more energy and have spent more time with my kids!  I'm wondering if the continued treatments will make me feel better and better.  I do hope that this is the case with the 5 day cycle since it was difficult!
Days are moving fast for me perhaps because of some additional napping during the days, but I need to blog more!  I will try to update more often.     

Today

Today was the cycle 2A treatment.  Yesterday I was mentally prepared to go back for treatment unlike Monday when I was wishing for rest and more days off.  In that sense I think my decision that I was so uncertain about was correct.  I would rather go prepared and wanting the next step in treatment. 
Treatment today was OK except for the fact that my appointment was at 10:30 and things didn't start to 11:45.  I'm relatively flexible and understand when an office is busy, but I was concerned that they might have forgotten about me.  Obviously they were still dealing with the fact that the power never returned to the office until Wednesday.
I didn't have many side-effects from cycle 1A of this treatment, but I'm still hesitant.  You never know with these drugs how you will react especially if your body is changing.  So far I'm not as fatigued as the 5 day treatment, but we'll see how the next few days go.  On that note, Happy Labor Day to you US folks.  Enjoy the time off!