Nervous

I didn't mention this previously because it just became apparent that I'm nervous!  I found out on Thursday that I have my CAT Scan scheduled at the end of the month.  It makes me more frantic and worried about whether this current treatment is working.  I'll certainly be upset if this would be another treatment that is unsuccessful!  I would then have to change to a new treatment, #3, and go through the entire process again to attempt success.  It is so hard to understand whether the physical experiences from the treatment mean that it works - are there new tumors or tumors that are growing OR the existing tumors are dying and nothing new exists?

After this treatment I have a high level of pain and it definitely exists in new areas like the left side of my back near the T6 position as well as the left part of the abdomen below the ribcage.  What does this mean?  I didn't experience this during treatment #1 that didn't work; I hardly had pain anywhere.  Of course my analytical brain overwhelms the situation - I need to some how relax my thinking, but it is certainly difficult.  Frankly, no one, myself, my nurse, and my doctor, would have answers until the CAT scan.  nerves, nerves, nerves.    
Hopefully this makes some sense especially since I'm on lots of pain drugs right now and its 12:32 AM.  I need to head to bed, but I'm a little hyper because of the nerves!

Trying to fix things

My brain must be functioning a little differently these days - perhaps it might be going back to normal?  Brain normalcy would be nice for some of us :-).  Anyway two things I've been thinking about and trying to address 1). the level of pain has increased quite a bit with this chemo treatment and 2). I haven't been able to be physical to build up muscles and stay strong.
I had treatment yesterday so I discussed with my nurse (love her!) about the pain management.  We of course had discussed Oxycontin extended release, which is different from the Percocet that I take.  Percocet is a combination of Oxycontin and acetaminophen and is taken every 4 hours as needed.  The Oxycontin extended release drug you take regularly every 12 hours and it works and stays in your body that entire time to deal with pain.  Michael has always been concerned about this drug since it is a narcotic that is know to cause massive addiction problems.  Michael and I discussed all the benefits and concerns about the Oxycontin and I'm going to start using it.  The neurontin was great for the nerve pain once we figured out the dosage, so hopefully I can experience the same benefit with the Oxycontin.  One issue that freaks me out is that once the Oxycontin is working in a regular fashion, it will take roughly 48 hours to work regularly, if I still have pain issues that occur I can take the Percocet!  That seems very weird to me - although I have had experiences of being on Percocet and there is still massive amounts of pain.  I guess I'll figure it out.
It has been a very long time since I exercised or did much of anything!  It is unfortunate and despite the fact that Dr. S tells me to do whatever I want there are a lot of things my body can't do anymore.  I did have my Radiation Oncologist disallow many activities that had to do with my upper back where I had radiation; I wasn't allowed to pick up many things, including Colton, or stretch like I normally do.  So I discussed this with the nurses and received communication with Penn Caring Way since they have nurses and physical therapists that would come to the house.  I'm mostly focused on having someone work with me knowing about the tumors and initiating exercises and stretches that are safe for my body.  I'm sure that what I do currently is not appropriate so it would be great to have someone give me the right exercises so my body starts building up again!
I did have a nurse come by today to initiate the program and she already suggested an abdominal brace since that large tummy tumor is affecting the back and causing the pain.  I think this program will be beneficial in many ways and it will occur weekly.  I'm really hoping that I gain some strength when I hit success and health so it won't take too long afterwards to get back to normal!  I do realize that even after getting health it is going to take some time to get strength, energy, and many other things, but I'm completely focused on working towards it!         

No in-law help

I wanted to share the craziness that occurred the first week of January when my mother-in-law is no longer able to help.  In case you are not aware, she is with her husband down in Florida for January.  Theoretically, this meant that Monday evening through Thursday morning we would be minus a level of help.  On those days she generally dressed, fed, made lunches, and sent the kids to school each day as well as brought them home, made dinner, played with them, and then sent them to bed.
The new scheduling means new sets of help.  We have a wonderful neighbor helping Tuesday through Thursday morning at the house with the kids.  Michael does the drop off and pick up at school now.  Monday and Wednesday night we have very close and amazing friends that help until bedtime.
The first week was going well except that on Wednesday the kids were having bedtime issues.  Colton, the 9 month old, ended up with a stomach bug and was vomiting.  Braeden needed a late visit to the 'potty' while Coli was getting sick.  Our poor friends ended up going home with different shirts on.
The next evening this continued, but Braeden ended up getting sick, as well as my father and the one babysitter.
We came to the realization at the end of the weekend that both boys were insistent on being with Michael.  Coli cried more often when Michael wasn't around and Braeden wanted to be with him constantly.  Coli even cried with my father, which is unusual and Braeden had no interest in going to bed with him either.  We think that the new schedule where Michael is driving them to school makes them used to having him around much more.  As a result of having daddy around so often, the boys want him quite often.  We are not sure how to deal with this!  In general, it complicates things mainly for Michael.  It is difficult for him to get things done in the house like dish washing and laundry when two boys are needing him.
Any ideas to help the situation let us know!  We have at least three more weeks of this!     

Bad Christmas Present

If you remember I mentioned a few posts ago that I was receiving a bad present on Christmas.  It has become official and the terrible present is that I'm no longer an employee of GlaxoSmithKline.  It was on the 25th that I went from Short Term (STD) to Long Term Disability (LTD).  The LTD means I am no longer associated with the company like I was with the STD.  It is upsetting and depressing, but I need to use this change to work on health!  I still view myself as a 'GSKer' and my management has the same view.  I'm amazed by the support they have given me and the support that they continue to give me despite the lack of employment. 
My information is no longer within GSK so whomever is interested in communicating with me personally, I would be pleased to share my email and other info.
Working towards health and success!