Thoughts

I've had interesting mental and emotional issues the last few weeks.  Frankly, I'm confused.  There really isn't any data to suggest that I'm moving towards health or is there?  I don't seem to follow most of the typical patterns of treatment - I don't experience most of the side-effects except for fatigue, I still have hair, my blood values are great and I typically feel better and healthier as the chemo treatments proceed.  Should I be focused on how I feel and how things are changing physically?  For some reason these thoughts and questions have been very emotional for me.  I do however, have something I should focus on with regards to these questions.  Braeden, my 3.5 year old has had a very difficult time interacting with me since July when I think it became obvious to him that mommy was sick.  All of a sudden, as I have felt better, Braeden is now interacting, chatting, and playing with me.  Children are intuitive - he definitely doesn't know what is occurring exactly, but perhaps he thinks mommy is getting better!  This definitely brings tears to my eyes - perhaps this should be my focus.  My boy is letting me know that I'm getting better. 
OK - emotions put aside. 
I had treatment 2A last Friday after making the decision to delay it due to the power issues at the office.  I'm very happy that I had more time to relax and recuperate from the 5 day cycle.  Again, it was an emotional decision because I wasn't sure if I was negatively affecting my progress towards health.  It is interesting to note that I feel good after this treatment - even better than treatment 1A.  I have more energy and have spent more time with my kids!  I'm wondering if the continued treatments will make me feel better and better.  I do hope that this is the case with the 5 day cycle since it was difficult!
Days are moving fast for me perhaps because of some additional napping during the days, but I need to blog more!  I will try to update more often.